Life is so busy.
I don't read the board in the band room- I usually ask Scott to tell me what pieces are up to be played for the day so that I don't have to look through the people that make better doors than windows in my field of view.

Therefore, Shaun told me of Jazz starting today as I got on the bus. I was supposed to have changed a tire for my mom...because she wanted me to learn. That didn't happen. Oh well, Jazz was interesting anyway. I'm declaring myself official mother of the jazz band. Shouldn't have any competition, considering i'm the only female there. Thats alright, I don't really mind.

I still don't have a job, and now both Eddie and Theresa I think want me to work at shop rite with them...but im just ever so busy lately i cant think of when i'd have time to actually work.

I've been slightly morphed in my relationships as of late...but the bright side is that I am no longer a hermit as I was two months ago.

Joy upon joys gave me friends!

Actually, I don't know how...I could credit a lot of it to my buds at the gift shop in arden hill...brian/kristin/lizz...for giving me an opportunity to have fun and spread my wings. That sounds a bit sentimental for the reality of it, but in essense it is true.

Somehow after that, and after i think a trip to beccas with a bunch of people...I completely morphed.

I rarely talked to Eddie for the end of the summer...I spent it all doing things with physical beings [rather than the computer/internet]...and it was fantastic that I was able to flirt with other guys and not be intensely depressed over the lack of the boy I wish I had.


I guess a new chapter has begun in my life, though. I'm seeing if things can work out between this boy and I. He is one of the ones that helped get me out of my hermit shell...and there are so many other things I could add to this small excerpt from my summer/beginning of school year social life story...but I won't. All I'll say is that from time to time I doubt myself, and from time to time I doubt him, and I feel bad for it but I tend to think about every aspect of what could possibly be the truth...so in a way I'm like the book Founding Brothers...where they annoy the crap out of you by completely going into utter detail about one theory and have you convinced...and then say well thats what could have happened, but perhaps it was this...and then go on for 5 more pages about another theory, and so on and so forth. I want to just be able to trust other people as much as I trust myself. I find it quite difficult.

I sometimes wish I didn't think so much...

But balance is key...too much doing and not enough thinking leaves one feeling empty/meaningless and regretful. Too much thinking and not enough doing leaves one feeling confused and alone and misunderstood.

I love the fact that I've been spending a lot of time with my friends as of late. It makes me happy.


However, I'm utterly exhausted inside and out...I need about a weeks worth of sleep.