It is about...11:05 pm on a Sunday night...and I have yet to finish half of my "APUSH" outline...I actually hate it when people refer to it as that...I dont know why...its one of those strange aversions that I can't quite fathom.

I quasi-agree to give Jesse a ride to Jazz each monday...however I didn't officially say yes so I don't want to just show up at his house...but I don't want to not and then have him not be able to get there...but I don't have a way of contacting him either. Haha, wow okay. I'm basically just talking to myself. Which, in essense, is what this blog is for anyway, so no harm done.

As for the boy, it didn't work out. And I'm sad. First cry in a few months. I'm actually proud of myself that I was able to hold out that long, perhaps I'm healing? :]

But its still sad. I have no desire to go to school tomorrow. Perhaps the reason why I'm putting off my homework so much... because as soon as I finish it I can go to sleep. And as much as I'd love some sleep, I don't want to wake up.

It looks like I'm partners with Paul[bert] for Halloween...should be interesting.

I really would have been so amused if we could have gone as Roger and Jessica Rabbit. But he's not so easy to please.

I think it'll end up being Jack and Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas...because anything else he agreed to, if you saw me standing there without him, you'd have no idea who I was.

And while the couple thing is fun, you should be able to at least recognize what couple you are when you're alone. Plus the fact that I'm not very familiar with the other ones anyway.

Although, it would be amusing for him to dress up as King Kong, i must admit.


Anyways, 2 weeks and 2 days...longer than a lot of my past relationships, I suppose I shouldn't complain.

I guess when I find someone that I really click with, things will fall into place better.

But for now I'm allowing myself some room for sadness to kick in.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel free and happy.

I hope this doesn't force me back into my shell...I was doing so well.




I met the whole Hauser family!:]
No, I lied. I met the Caruli family...Beccas moms side.
It was fun, she had more family at that one party[which consisted of only one side] than I think I have in total...probably double.

Lets see...on my moms side I have one aunt, one uncle [if you count marriage, then I'd have two uncles], a grandma, a grandpa and two cousins.

On my dads side I have one aunt [and one uncle if you count marriage], and one grandma.

That concludes that, without going into great aunts and their families.

Her mom has 5 siblings...so she has a lot of aunts/uncles cousins.

It was fun trying to remember who everyone was and where in the family they belonged...of course she had to tell me that Lisa's name was Stacy and get me all flustered...and not remember which boy was Ryan, which was Matthew, and which was Kevin. But I got it. :]

I like meeting peoples families.

Those who want to meet my family have it fairly easy. Plus the fact that one aunt/uncle/both cousins live on the complete other side of the country, so the odds of someone getting to meet them unless they pretty much live with me for 5 years are not very high.

Anyway, I should finish this stupid outline and go to sleep. If I decide to go to sleep at all that is. I should have read the Scarlet Letter...

Life is so busy.
I don't read the board in the band room- I usually ask Scott to tell me what pieces are up to be played for the day so that I don't have to look through the people that make better doors than windows in my field of view.

Therefore, Shaun told me of Jazz starting today as I got on the bus. I was supposed to have changed a tire for my mom...because she wanted me to learn. That didn't happen. Oh well, Jazz was interesting anyway. I'm declaring myself official mother of the jazz band. Shouldn't have any competition, considering i'm the only female there. Thats alright, I don't really mind.

I still don't have a job, and now both Eddie and Theresa I think want me to work at shop rite with them...but im just ever so busy lately i cant think of when i'd have time to actually work.

I've been slightly morphed in my relationships as of late...but the bright side is that I am no longer a hermit as I was two months ago.

Joy upon joys gave me friends!

Actually, I don't know how...I could credit a lot of it to my buds at the gift shop in arden hill...brian/kristin/lizz...for giving me an opportunity to have fun and spread my wings. That sounds a bit sentimental for the reality of it, but in essense it is true.

Somehow after that, and after i think a trip to beccas with a bunch of people...I completely morphed.

I rarely talked to Eddie for the end of the summer...I spent it all doing things with physical beings [rather than the computer/internet]...and it was fantastic that I was able to flirt with other guys and not be intensely depressed over the lack of the boy I wish I had.


I guess a new chapter has begun in my life, though. I'm seeing if things can work out between this boy and I. He is one of the ones that helped get me out of my hermit shell...and there are so many other things I could add to this small excerpt from my summer/beginning of school year social life story...but I won't. All I'll say is that from time to time I doubt myself, and from time to time I doubt him, and I feel bad for it but I tend to think about every aspect of what could possibly be the truth...so in a way I'm like the book Founding Brothers...where they annoy the crap out of you by completely going into utter detail about one theory and have you convinced...and then say well thats what could have happened, but perhaps it was this...and then go on for 5 more pages about another theory, and so on and so forth. I want to just be able to trust other people as much as I trust myself. I find it quite difficult.

I sometimes wish I didn't think so much...

But balance is key...too much doing and not enough thinking leaves one feeling empty/meaningless and regretful. Too much thinking and not enough doing leaves one feeling confused and alone and misunderstood.

I love the fact that I've been spending a lot of time with my friends as of late. It makes me happy.


However, I'm utterly exhausted inside and out...I need about a weeks worth of sleep.