Aegrescit medendo - The disease worsens with the treatment. The remedy is worse than the disease.

Yay.


Busy weekends=boo, unless you're busy because you're with friends. Ironically, the one weekend that I'm not with my friends all weekend, is the weekend that I have virtually no homework. I don't even have US History...which is amazing.

So, this week should be interesting.


Prism concert tonight...that should be interesting...we'll see how well that works out. I don't doubt that it was a really awesome idea...but I think that in reality it may not work as well as they hope it will...and/or that the audience will get bombarded with neck-aches and aggrivation. Perhaps we'll blow them away so much that they won't even realize how much anger and pain they feel. Tehe.


On a side note, I don't have a music stand. lol

Um...this week is pretty busy too...I kindof can't wait for the NHLS meeting Thursday [Dr!Jones changed it, because im pretty sure that he loves me. Haha.]

I have to get a birthday present for Katie...and a mask [where the hell i'll find that i dont know...i was going to buy one online...but i put it off...so now i probably wont be able to get it in time...yay for procrastination].

I'm...excited for life.

I...did something that an ["aquaintanced"] outsider would probably consider the absolute stupidest thing I could ever have done...but I've warmed up to the idea..and taken the action...and now...well lets just see how things go. Haha. But, lets just say, I've got butterflies. :]

Recooperation only goes so far...all I want is the truth

So indeed, confusion conquers all.

Small hands

So I'm...confused...a little.
Not really confused, I know exactly whats where and where its at.
Its just, I'm confused as to why things are where they are.
It's been just about two weeks, and there are still a few residual feelings, and he's supposedly trying to win [back] my trust...but...all he's doing is...nothing really.
Yesterday...was noteworthy.
In the morning I was pimping the Sutz's...Matt on one arm, Mitch on the other..it was cool. I was like, [after the bell rang] I don't suppose you guys will be coming with me to class...and Matt goes well where's your class? I point, and he says yea sure, just in a couple minutes. So, for once I actually waited. And then after Anthony pointed out that it was time to go to class, we started walking backwards, but Mitch wouldn't come cuz his class was on D floor in the opposite direction...so Matt and I walk down the hallway- arms linked- and Shaun passes by and gives us a funny face/head shake.

Later on in the day Eddie asks me to pull up his pants.

[I felt that that was a noteworthy event...because I pulled them up for him:p]

Later, at Beccas, I was pimpin the Hausers...holding both Beccas and Pauls hands. Tehe.

And then at the football game...SO cold...sat between Sharayah and Matt, arms around both, but Matt puts his hand in my sleeve and then both of our hands in his sleeve for maximum warmth.

And then I had to go back to the trombone section...so I had Scott on my left and Dan on my right and i told them to huddle/get closer...shaun got cold so he moved in between scott and i...[i was always in the middle and brian is like immune to cold haha]

So first quarter I was linked/cuddling with Shaun on one side and Dan on the other [nice way to meet someone...haha]. Then Scott called trading with Dan for 2nd quarter, which he did. Sharayahs mommy brought me hot cocoa from Dunkin Donuts which was lovely!!

And then third quarter [the one we have off] I was linked with Sharayah and Joe...4th with Dan on the left and Scott on the right [Dan got there before Shaun]...so yeah that was interesting.

My elbows were nice and warm but my toes felt like they were about to fall off..


Went back to Beccas house afterwards...laying/defrosting on the chair with Marc and Matt...forced to go outside...blankets and slipper socks and sweatshirt...laying under the stars....petting Boots...trying to figure out who's hand was petting mine [by accident]...being able to distinguish Matts hand from Beccas by the fingernails without looking...I looked up at the perfect moment and saw a shooting star...it was beautiful...and I impulsively wished for something that confused me a lot...I shall not say it...
Before Shaun gave rides home to Matt/Marc/Tyy...I'd confused myself.




I don't want to say it out loud, or to anyone, especially my friends...because that would just make it more real and make it open for a conversation topic...a conversation that I don't want to have because its nothing serious and I don't want to magnify the situation by saying it...even though I'm already magnifying it by typing out the gist of it here...or at least parts to remind me of it...but I don't want to make it a big deal.


Gah.

I have small, skinny fingers. At least compared to...basically everyone else.


Kachina is trying to set me up with this new kid that she has a class and lunch with.

Which, is nice of her. To think of me. I'm not really thinking about it though, I have too many other things to worry about. If it happens, it happens [and also makes life more confusing.] If it doesnt, no harm done.





The point- I'm all over the place, and freezing my butt off.

You can call me Julie.

Is it ever possible to know what we truly want?
Like, on the surface most of the time we can figure out what we want at that moment...
But is it really even a plausible thing to assume, that we know what we want?
Most times the things we think we want are the things that we don't have.
Well, how can we even know whether we want them or not if we've never had them?
If we're going by judging those who have those things...is that accurate, considering that every person is different and the things that make one person happy may not do justice to someone else?
If we're going by the fact that we feel an emptiness, or a lacking, how do we know what would fill it, if we don't have it?
And even if we had already had what we think we want...how do we know it'll ever be the same?
The only thing that I really know...is that I don't think that I'll never know what I truly want [again].

...I don't want to deal with stupid shit.

I have to be more careful who I fall for I guess...





Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?
Does summer come for everyone?
Can humans do what prophets say?
If I die before I learn to speak
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake
But half asleep?

A life is time, they teach you growing up
The seconds ticking killed us all
A million years before the fall
You ride the waves and don't ask where they go
You swim like lions through the crest
And bathe yourself in zebra flesh

I've been downhearted baby
Ever since the day we met